Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Mom's Passing

It has been a rough couple of weeks to get through, but what a blessing to know that because my parents were sealed in the temple that we can be together again someday.  It gives us some peace at a time when it is difficult.  As much as I know it was time for my sweet mom to go—we still miss her immensely. 

I had been fasting and praying for months for her body to recover and for her to be restored to better health.  I was fasting again on Easter and was sitting in Sacrament meeting and was given a very distinct answer that the time had passed for this and that it was time to pray for strength for the family.  I also had an impression that my parents would be together for their 55th wedding anniversary later in the month.

The first week in April my mom had a severe seizure and was not able to get out of bed after that.  She was pretty out of it for about a week and then it seemed like she was starting to get better.  The hospice agency called me to let me know that in her current condition they thought we only had maybe a month unless something drastically changed with her health then it could be days.

We had planned to go to St George at the end of the month, but with this news decided to go a week sooner.  We were scheduled to leave on Thursday morning, April 19th because my nanny’s last day was going to be the 18th.  My brother called me and said I know you are coming on Thursday, but if you can get here sooner you should try.  Nate and I decided we would get down there on Wednesday as soon as we could get things wrapped up at work and home.  We arrived in St George on Wednesday evening and were able to talk to my mom a little.  She even started singing Popcorn Popping with Lily because she knew we had been working on the actions to that song.  We had her home teacher come over and he and Nathan gave her a blessing.  We had talked about it and Nathan did not want to give her that blessing because he was afraid he would not be able to follow the prompting of the spirit if he was to release her.  Even in her semi-unresponsive state she specifically asked 2 times that Nathan give the blessing.  He did and was not prompted in that way, but blessed her that she would not have more pain than she could bare.

Mom was not too responsive most of the evening and I “slept” at the foot of her hospital bed and Jack lay at her feet all night.  She woke up about 4 am and asked for my brother David. She told him that she was in pain and needed some pain meds.  He gave them to her and she was able to rest for a few more hours.  Later that morning she became totally unresponsive and her heart was beating and hard and her breathing was labored.  Hospice came in at 11 am and basically told me that she could go within the hour, or live another week.  Later that day I told Nathan that I felt like my mom needed another blessing.  It was an hour or two later that her breathing was more normal and she seemed more at peace.  I really think she had been fighting all day holding out for us. I sang hymns to her and talked to her for hours and my brothers sat with her too.  I said one last prayer letting her know that we would be alright and I would help my brothers the best I can.  I sobbed all the way through it, and felt the spirit very strongly.  I walked out to tell Nathan that I thought it was getting close and he should go in and give her a last goodbye.  He walked out of the room and gave me a hug, I walked in couldn’t see her breathing.  I ran out to get Dave to check her and he felt that her heart was still beating so we ran to get Blake out of bed.  It was a very peaceful passing and it was so good to have most of the family there.  Ray just got a new job in Salt Lake that week and couldn’t leave after only 2 days on the job, which is why he couldn’t be with us. 

Unfortunately Mom didn't leave too much for me in the way of plans, so I had a lot to do the following days (which feel like months).  I have never been so emotionally and physically exhausted in my life.  Maybe it is my age, or the fact that I had my mom here, but I was far more tired than I was when Dad passed away 13 years ago.  I came to know what the term "sick-tired" means and feels like.

I was so fortunate to have an amazing husband to took over all the Lily duties for a week, help me make decisions, etc.  I leaned on him for strength and luckily he kept our family going.

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